| who would have thought that after so long i'd remember the password to this. |
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| dudes....me and danny went boarding together the other day. not only am i now "the coolest cuz you skate" but it was alot of fun.
not alot can compete with skating in the quiet under the stars with the wind in your face. not much at all
5 months till im in tally.
4 months till im officially outta vanguard
and can i say this...i cant wait for either of those.
and here we go again.
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| just incase this may have been misinterpreted in any ways.
i am extremely happy with my life. i have amazing people i spend my time with, and although there are minor changes i would make, wouldnt we all? its a new time in our lives, with that came new people, and old ones that i hadnt been with in a while. and i am happy.
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| i dont really do anyuthing with this now. havent been on in a while. so i guess its time for a good one. although i dont believe anyone reads this, and if they did, id doubt theyd say.
reflection time....the past few years have been a blur. a really massive blur. so many things have happened. in the past 4 years ive had my highest highs and my lowest lows. ive found love, ive lost love. ive seen people come and go from my life and people stripped from me no matter how abd i want to hold on. and yet, in the end, as i look back at it i see it all alot clearer than i did at the time. duh, its what we call hindsight. looking back i see that i have had some amazing people in my life. people i dont even talk to anymore. and thats ok. because for that time in my life, they were with me for a reason, or i was with them for a reason. or both. i also look back and see that people i thought were there werent as close as i had thought. i see people i thought i was close to adandom me, and ill admit i have done the same. obviously, otherwise we'd still be one big bunch like before. and i guess its not a big deal, or a deal at all to some of them, because they still have that because of that one place that holds them together. i lost that, fast. things happened that i felt i couldnt any longer have that place, it was gone. and thats unfortunate. but ive grown from it all.
ive had the best of things taken from me in a fight for control. and that sucks more than anything. i see my faults, i see where i went wrong. but i see that nothing has ever meant more to me. i honestly dont feel like im seen for who i am, for the control i have over myself. i feel like its being spread out really thin among others in an effort to keep me in a straight line, which i do on my own. i feel like im leaveing for college in 5 months and some people dont get that. hours away....i promise. i have this down.i can hold myself on my own, ive done it many times before. "I listen to everyone else's problems and deal with my own" a phrase i used years ago, and its back. its the truth. through this past year...and oh, its been a hard one...not the senior year i ever dreamed of having...just another year....a speedbump in my life really is how i see it.im dealing with the cards ive been dealt. im obiding and doing what i must. and come june, i can prove who i am. prove im not who i feel im viewed as. friends want friends to be happy. i believe that. i want everyone of my friends to be happy, everyone of my old friends, every one of my acquaintances. and i want them to want that for me.
i know who i am. i know what i want. and ive known this for a long time.
in 5 months. thats me. im me. allison. taking life as it comes and as it should be, unexpected. out of this controled and predictable enviorment i have here in ocala. i have alot to look forward to, and i am siked about it.
and thats about it.
may '07 be a better year....
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